Lex Mills - Trust the Process

Wednesday, March 21, 2018
(My mom, me, and my father on move in day at UIndy)(My mom, me, and my father on move in day at UIndy) I often times find myself starting blogs when I am already laying down ready for bed. Some nights I fall asleep right when my head hits the pillow, and some nights I lie awake for hours because my brain will not shut off. Normally, I write whatever comes to my mind and I do not end up posting them. Writing has been my way of releasing all my thoughts and feelings without having to talk to someone about them. I have a much more intense blog that I wrote about my journey that started last year, but I do not know if I will ever share it. So, here is my much more filtered version.

I am an eighteen-year-old, soon to be nineteen-year-old, that has been in the real world for a year now. Real world as in out of high school and trying to “adult.” I graduated high school early with an exact picture in my mind of what my next four years of life would be like. Little did I know, that picture I had painted in my mind was going to be nothing like it is now, just after a year.

The picture I had painted in my head since the day I graduated high school, January of 2017, was the dream. I was going to go to college in the fall either in Indiana or North Carolina. I was going to have that “college experience,” which meant meeting life-long friends, always doing something fun on the weekends, all the things I never did in high school. I was going to be at that college for four years until I graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations. I was going to have a couple really good internship opportunities that would help me for what was to come after college. I made it to college in Indiana. I did exactly what I said I was going to do and picked what I thought was my dream college, the University of Indianapolis. One very long semester there in Indiana, I found myself back home in Bondurant, IA.

This was so hard for me. I did not want to move home because I thought of myself as a “failure.” I wanted so bad to love the college, make friends, and be successful at my dream school. It just unfortunately did not work out for me.

I moved back in with my parents in December until I figure out where I go from here. The end of Fall semester to the beginning of Spring semester was not much time for me to tour colleges back home, so I decided to attend a community college 15 minutes from my home. I enrolled in classes and then started job searching. Luckily, the first job I applied for I was hired just two short weeks later. I started working more than I expected, and ended up absolutely loving my job.

I am just past midterms and have changed my mind, as to where I go after this semester, approximately twenty times. I thought about taking classes in the summer, but then I tell myself I need the break from school. Going to school and working full time is a lot, and I like to enjoy summer. So, I think I have ruled that out. My plan is to go to another private college around home for Public Relations eventually. Some days I want to stay at the community college, DMACC, just to save money while getting my Associate’s Degree, then transferring to a private college to get my Bachelor’s. Then, I think I would be more successful if I just went to another private college now starting this fall semester. One thing that has not changed in this whole process is my major.

I am clearly an eighteen-year-old someone who has changed so much in just a year. I am still trying to figure myself out, while also trying to figure my life out. My life is so different than I ever pictured it being, and so much has changed since I graduated high school. It is frustrating at times. I have days where I want to shut down and quit college (Even though my mom has made that clear that is not an option, and that is unlike me to give up that quick on something). Then, I have days where I accept the journey I am on and enjoy the glory of not knowing what is ahead. Every day I am changing. Every day I am growing into the person I know I am supposed to be someday. And every day, I am trusting the process.

So, if you feel like you are at a standstill in life and just unsure of where you are supposed to be going from here, trust the process. Trust the process that each and every day, you are changing and growing into the person you will someday be. You will have moments where you question what the heck you are doing with your life (trust me, that is me at least once a day). And all you need to do is just trust the process.